Culture Shock is Sneaky
Culture shock comes in many forms, lurking behind unexpected corners, and attacking when you least expect it. I’ve experienced it on short trips, when the stress of travel hits and I just wanted things to be like they were at home. So I always knew I would have to deal with culture shock when I moved to Germany. But I had no idea what that really meant or what it would be like or what the triggers would be.
Last summer when I was trying to adjust to Germany and realizing that my expectations didn’t match reality, I just shut down. I sat in four hours of German class each day for the entire month of August trying to learn the language of my new home, but mostly getting frustrated. My mind wanted to speak English, or at the very least Spanish, and sentences would sometimes come out of my mouth with words from all three languages. By the time I got home in the afternoon, my brain refused to focus on anything useful. Andy has a Wii, so I started playing Super Mario Brothers 3 (old school, from the original Nintendo) and eventually I was able to beat the game pretty easily.
When Andy and I were in Turkey a few weeks ago for our belated honeymoon, we had an extremely hard bed in our first hotel. I felt like I was trying to sleep on a slab of concrete. It made my body hurt. So for four nights, I didn’t sleep well and I felt sore. By the time we got to Cappadocia, I was a mess. The slightest little thing set me off into a pile of tears.
That’s when I realized my mind was confused. My subconscious was still trying to accept the fact that home is now Freiburg, so throwing the even-more-foreign Turkey at it was sending my mind into shock. One of the things I love most, travel, was backfiring on me. I used to gain confidence and exhilaration from travel. Suddenly it was pushing me over the edge. Sneak attack from a seemingly friendly ally.
Back home in Freiburg last week, Andy and I went to the bank. He needed cash and I needed to get my statement out of the machine. The bank will automatically send a statement every quarter, but they would prefer you to print it from the machine yourself, so they charge 0.55€ if they have to mail it to you. And as far as we’ve been able to tell, there’s no way to just tell them not to mail the statements. So there on my statement was a small but annoying charge for the last time they mailed me my statement along with the even more annoying 5.90€ monthly fee. I wanted to throw things at the bank tellers for stealing my money. I wanted my bank account back from the States that didn’t charge me any monthly fees or weird statement fees.
Then we went to the grocery store to stock up for the week. I can’t figure out the cheese here because most of it is just labeled with whatever Swiss valley it’s from. In the States, I mostly bought provolone. If it’s even available here, it would only be at some specialty cheese shop and I haven’t gone looking for one of those yet. But I also like cheddar, especially shredded in the fajitas we make once a week. They don’t sell it in the cheese aisle, we have to go to the dairy counter. Like the deli counter in the States, except they have an entire display of nothing but cheese. Not only is cheddar 16.90€ per kilo (US$22, and a kilo is 2.2 pounds) but they don’t even have it all the time. So on the same day as my bank irritation, the grocery store was out of cheddar cheese.
I hate it here!
Ok, that’s not true. But it’s amazing how little things like cheese and bank fees sometimes make me want to crawl under the covers for a few days.
I’m about to start German class again, but I think I’m better prepared this time. And when I went to the grocery store by myself the other day, I noticed they had restocked their cheddar supply. Luckily there was a chunk already cut, so I was able to say cheddar and “stück” meaning I wanted a block of it instead of slices, and I just pointed to the one that was already there. Odd how buying cheese can seem like a triumph.
I’m sure culture shock will keep sneaking up on me for awhile. Adjusting to a new country is a slow process. But I’ll figure out my attack plan one of these days.
May 14, 2012 @ 4:22 PM
There have experience several changes lately, and I’m sure that adds to the challenges of culture shock! Even good stress is still stress. You got married, moved to a new country, and are setting up life in a place where many speak English but of course it’s best to learn the language! Of course there are rough patches, but I think you’ve been handling life changes and adapting quite well!
May 14, 2012 @ 10:26 PM
Thanks Heather! Good stress and bad stress all mixed in, but I’m working on it. It’ll take awhile to really adjust, but I’ll get there eventually.
May 14, 2012 @ 5:39 PM
Just remember that you are travelling and hopefully that will cheer you back up! Everyone has their down days but keep smiling and another great day will come around soon 🙂
May 14, 2012 @ 10:27 PM
Thanks Cole! It is great to be living here in a lot of ways, I have good days and bad. I’ll get there.
May 14, 2012 @ 5:59 PM
Change is hard for everyone, especially when it involves uprooting your life and settling into a new country. I thought when I first moved to the U.S. from Canada seven years ago that it would be no big deal because I had visited the country MANY times before and it didn’t really seem all that different… and then I realized that there were all these parts of my identity that were distinctly Canadian, and that there are definitely some distinct differences between these two countries. Now, I’m preparing to move back to Canada, and I find that all the things I found annoying and weird are things I’ve grown accustomed to and the place where I grew up no longer feels like home. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but eventually all these frustrations will become routine! You’ve just got a lot on your plate right now, but things will get better!
May 14, 2012 @ 10:32 PM
Thanks Steph! I guess it doesn’t matter where you live, moving somewhere different will always be, well, different. It doesn’t seem like Canada and the US are drastically different, but each country has developed its own identity in a lot of ways. I really appreciate the encouragement, and good luck to you with your move back!
May 15, 2012 @ 12:21 AM
Not that this will make you feel much better but most banks in the states just started charging a $10 monthly fee for having a bank account. I nearly died.
May 15, 2012 @ 11:02 AM
Ugh that’s awful! But in a tiny way, does make me feel a little bit better.
May 15, 2012 @ 4:39 AM
Oh Ali, I feel for you. I’ve had similar meltdown here in the US – just the other way around.
I sat in a bank and almost cried and stomped my feet on the ground when they told me that I owed them over $200 dollars for overage fees – I kept using my card and used maybe 30-40 dollars in small chunks for silly coffee and stuff because I expected it to just stop working when there was no more money – like in Germany. I’ve also cursed the US banking system as some sort of third world system because of all the fees for transferring money to other people’s accounts online. I couldn’t believe people in such an advanced country still use old-fashioned checks instead of simply and for free transferring money online.
Oh, and the cheese? I still miss my cheese counter in Germany and have started splurging in way to expensive foreign cheeses like Brie, Gouda, Asiago, etc. here now….
Hang in there! You’ll get the hang of it.
May 15, 2012 @ 11:05 AM
Thank you so much Sabrina! I guess it’s all just what you’re used to. The banking stuff is really annoying, but I’m trying to make my peace with it. As for the food, that might take a little longer, but I’m working on it. Thanks for the encouragement!
May 16, 2012 @ 12:51 AM
No worries! Don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s so normal! And you have the added difficulty of not knowing the language well enough for the everyday stuff (yet). At least I didn’t have that problem here…. but then…. there’s still plenty of stuff I didn’t understand… still sometimes don’t. As for the food… are you cooking? I never really cooked before I moved here. Now I actually enjoy it and it makes it easier to be able to eat my German comfort foods when I want. You probably have to be a little flexible with some ingredients. For example, I use sour cream instead of Quark, cheddar instead of Gouda, etc.
May 17, 2012 @ 10:18 AM
We are cooking, more than I ever did when I lived in the States. That does help since there is a lot of pork here and neither of us are huge fans of pork. It seems to just be the little things that feel so huge when it comes to food. We found a place with pizza that we really like, so that helps too. And I’ll keep working on salsa recipes!
May 16, 2012 @ 4:20 PM
While it is different there are also pros to the system.
You will never have overdraft fees. Worse case a charge will bounce back and be run again, though the company bounced may assess a fee. Or if you have dispo you are only charged a minimal interest fee.
Even on loans, credit or financing the interest rates are much better then the US.
May 17, 2012 @ 10:26 AM
I’m sure I’ll get used to the differences in the banking and come to appreciate the advantages. I guess it’s just that I never had to deal with overdraft fees in the US because I just didn’t let myself get to that point. I’ll adjust over time! Thanks Serena!
May 15, 2012 @ 4:59 AM
I’m sure any expat can say he or she feels your pain – I certainly can! The good news is that those days do become fewer and much farther between. But until then, know that there are people out there who don’t think you’re a crazy person for crying over half a Euro and some cheese 🙂
May 15, 2012 @ 11:07 AM
Thanks Emily, it does help to know there are people who understand what I’m going through. Glad to know those bad days will keep getting further apart!
May 15, 2012 @ 5:40 AM
Re the language, I have been here in Turkey for eleven years now and my grasp of the language is terrible. While I do speak it, my grammar is horrendous and I still shy away from intense discussions. I just had to accept that it might be one of those things in life that I am not going to excel at. All the Turks that know me are quite used to my version of the language now anyway!!
I think all you need is time for your mind to adjust and deal with the changes.One day you will wake up and it will all snap into place. Then you will have to find more challenges in life!
May 15, 2012 @ 11:09 AM
I can’t even imagine trying to learn Turkish. Andy and I did figure out a handful of words while we were there, but that’s different from learning grammar. German grammar is tough, even the little bit I learned in my 4 week class last summer. Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it!
May 16, 2012 @ 4:22 PM
I forgot are you in the inegration course now?
I have various German lanuage learning tools and know some neat free interactive programs online if youa re wanting to work from home.
May 17, 2012 @ 10:27 AM
I don’t start until the beginning of June. The beginning should be fairly easy since I did take 4 weeks last summer.
May 15, 2012 @ 5:40 AM
Oh God, can I relate! Over the past two years I’ve spent seven months in Spanish-speaking countries. I’m pretty fluent in Spanish but I was in three different countries (Mexico, Ecuador and Peru), and the words and language customs were slightly different in each – heck, in Mexico it varied from region to region! And, I was traveling in areas where English wasn’t much spoken. By the end of each day my brain started to shut down. Then, every 10 days or so I’d have a day where I couldn’t speak or understand Spanish at all – as if my brain screamed “enough!” The next day, it was all better again, except that I could speak and understand BETTER than before. It was like my brain needed to stop and adjust, sort, and reboot. Weird. Now I’m in Nepal, learning Nepali, but it’s different because I’m living with a local family so I’m taking just one class per week and getting the rest by absorption. Much better, I think. Hang in there, you’ll get it and Germany will eventually feel like home.
May 15, 2012 @ 11:14 AM
Dealing with a different language can definitely make your brain shut down. I can’t imagine trying to learn Nepali! I think I’ll stick to languages that use the Roman alphabet. It is great to know that you’re getting better at it all though. I’m sure I will feel better about everything the longer I’m here. Thanks for your encouragement, much appreciated Barbara!
May 15, 2012 @ 10:56 PM
I hear ya! Culture shock is like grief..it comes in waves when you least expect it. Today I wanted to bang my head against a wall over and over because I couldn’t get the simplest things done without help…like setting up online banking, topping up my new mobile phone with credit and various other little things that make a big difference. I vented to my German friend about Germany, but that was probably not the best person to vent to! For such a logical country sometimes things are rather illogical. Sometimes I miss the speed at which things happen back home. Thanks for the post!
May 15, 2012 @ 11:47 PM
Thanks Kristi! I totally agree, for a country that seems so big on efficiency, they sure are slow about things sometimes. And everything involves lots of paperwork. You’re right, your German friend probably isn’t the most likely person to understand what you’re going through. Feel free to vent to me anytime you want!
May 16, 2012 @ 2:24 PM
I totally understand! Banks here are annoying too – they charge a fee for receiving money from overseas – around $17…I would understand if they had to convert it but we sent it in NOK using one of those money transfer services. Irritating!! Some companies here also charge fees if they send you statements – everything is paperless statements through online banking.
May 17, 2012 @ 10:21 AM
Wow, that is annoying! I don’t think I got charged for transferring money here since my bank in the US converted it first. The statements really annoy me because it’s a country that is so environmentally aware, yet there doesn’t seem to be a way for me to turn off paper statements from the bank.
May 16, 2012 @ 4:17 PM
British week at lidl sells chunks of cheddar for under 3 euro.
Also many stores like rewe now sell shredded cheddar in packs for under 3euro and you can find catheral slices for about the same.
Still much more then the US, but also far less then the deli counter.
As for other cheeses, I have never found american cheeses. I miss pepperjack. Germans like bland cheeses like butterkase and edemamer.
And if you want to practice your Germany I am always around if you want to grab a cup of coffee.
May 17, 2012 @ 10:24 AM
I haven’t seen shredded cheddar at Rewe by us, but I’ll keep looking. There’s another kind of shredded cheese we buy (can’t think of what it is right now) that we mix with the cheddar, and that’s ok but I don’t like it on its own. Once I learn more German than “kartofel” I’ll let you know about practicing!
May 16, 2012 @ 5:13 PM
I can’t imagine what culture shock must feel like since I’ve never stayed in another country for longer than a month. I think I would have many break downs though. I think we often try to do too much at once and our mind and body can’t handle all of it. I hope you start feeling better and I hope they keep the cheddar stocked! 🙂
May 17, 2012 @ 10:29 AM
Thanks Christy! I have good days and bad days, so I know the bad ones will start to get further apart. It’ll help when I can speak a little German. And yes, hopefully there aren’t anymore cheese incidents!
May 18, 2012 @ 5:08 PM
Ali, it’s an important step to recognize how sneaky the culture shock can be. The thing that got me when I lived in Germany was the Ruhezeit (quiet-time) restrictions. I could blare my radio/tv at 8 in the morning, until about 10am when the first Ruhezeit period began …
Imagine how much fun the *reverse* culture shock will be when you go back. 😉
May 18, 2012 @ 11:41 PM
Thanks Henry. Ugh, sounds awful! I was back in the States in February for a few weeks, and even that was a little weird. I had only been away 7 month at that point, 3 living in Germany and 4 traveling through SE Asia, Australia and New Zealand. But somehow that was enough that the US seemed a little weird to me. But I still have a long way to go before I fully adjust to living in Germany.
May 19, 2012 @ 9:00 PM
My reverse culture-shock story occurred in 2003 when I moved from Heidelberg to Minneapolis, US. I was in the Target store in downtown Minneapolis to look for some household and cleaning supplies. I was in a fairly long aisle with only one kind of item, but with different brands and varying sizes. I stood there paralyzed for 15 minutes because I couldn’t make up my mind. Thankfully, that was just a one-off. 🙂
Best wishes on adjusting to life in the D-land!
May 19, 2012 @ 9:38 PM
I’ve heard of quite a few people who had similar situations. As much as I like choices, it is kind of nice to start fresh on some things. It’s nice to go into the store and just buy the cheapest brand simply because it’s cheap and not have any preconceived notions of the brands.
I’ll keep adjusting and having meltdowns for awhile I’m sure, but hopefully more adjustments and less meltdowns. Thanks for the encouragement!
May 19, 2012 @ 12:00 PM
Hey Ali, I know exactly how you feel! but now I have to adjust away from Germany and reorientate myself to Holland. It’s been a weird year. For me, culture shock came in chips and chunks, often when I least expected it (and when I wasn’t at my best to deal with it, either). I found that streaming my favorite Chicago talk station during the day and listening to my old driving music while on the trains, trams and biking helped too. Just take solace in the fact that the local food in Freiburg is top frickin notch. Dutch food is absolutely horrible and insanely overpriced. x Andi [Andy’s friend :)]
May 19, 2012 @ 2:41 PM
Thanks Andi! Music sounds like a good thing, I should start listening to my iPod more. Freiburg is a great place. I have my good days and bad days. Thanks for the encouragement, and I hope you can adjust to Holland quickly!
May 20, 2012 @ 2:58 AM
Thanks for being so honest. As you say, it’s hard to imagine that the thing you love has gone from ally to irritant but if all long-term travelers and expats were as honest as you I think most of us would have to fess up to having a cheddar cheese melt down every once in a while, even while knowing (deep down)what a piece of luck it is to be in a country with a baffling language and even more baffling dairy section! I wish I know how to say “this too shall pass” in German…
May 20, 2012 @ 11:30 AM
Thanks for the encouragement Karen! I will continue to travel, but I think while I’m settling into my new life in Germany, we might just stick to shorter trips. And I also have no idea how to say “this too shall pass” in German!
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May 22, 2012 @ 8:16 AM
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May 28, 2012 @ 4:08 PM
Yay for Super Mario 3! The more things change the more some things just stay the same – good things of course. It’s weird that Cheddar is so expensive in Germany and the Swiss cheese is not. Maybe they have to import it from the States but then they could import it from the UK where they make the stuff too. I’m the opposite to you on the cheese front. I love Swiss cheese but the only time I can afford to it here in Australia is when I have it on my footlong meatball at Subway because they don’t charge extra for it. Otherwise it’s the deli section at some specialty store and that equals only one thing in Australia – expensive import prices in one of the most expensive countries only the planet. By the way, do they have Subway in Germany?
May 29, 2012 @ 2:49 PM
The cheddar probably does come from the UK, which is still expensive. Switzerland is so close, so it ends up being cheaper and it’s where most of our cheese comes from. And what we call Swiss cheese in the States (and probably in Australia too) ends up being several different kinds of cheese here. Since it all comes from Switzerland, saying Swiss cheese just doesn’t work. I don’t think there are any Subways in Germany, but there used to be. Now they’re all called Mr. Sub, I guess because they don’t have the franchise anymore. I haven’t been in there, but I hear it’s exactly the same as a Subway.