Thoughts on One Year of Unemployment
May 27, 2011 was my last day of employment. I can’t even begin to express how happy I am to not still be at my old job. The boring insurance regulations I struggled to memorize, the awful office politics, the back-stabbing egotistical corporate ladder climbers. Even as I shed tears for the work friends I was leaving behind, walking out the door on that last day was such a relief. But it’s really strange not having a job. It’s really weird depending on someone else when I spent so many years taking care of things myself.
I hated my job
I’m slowly starting to get over the fear of not having an income. There aren’t a lot of jobs I can do here without being proficient in German anyway, and right now I have a hard enough time ordering food. And I really don’t want to get sucked back into another office job I will end up hating. I spent nine years working in insurance, and I hated almost every minute of it. By the time I opened my eyes and admitted to myself that I hated it, I felt like it was too late to make a drastic change, so I just carried on for a few more years. One of my biggest fears is ending up in that situation again.
Things finally changed
The past year has been a crazy mix of ups and downs. I got to marry the most wonderful man in the world. I sold/donated/gave away/abandoned almost every possession I owned in order to move to Germany. I traveled through 13 countries in five months, experiencing the great side of travel and the difficult side of travel. I dealt with culture shock time and time again. And I met great people on the road and here in Freiburg.
I let my job define me
I’m realizing how much my job defined my life before, and how that’s left me with a bit of a void over the past year. Even though I was never passionate about aviation insurance, it was the thing I woke up and did five days a week for nine years. It occupied my time, provided me with enough money to pay my bills and travel, and it was an answer to that question everyone asks when they first meet me – what do you do? I hate that question now.
What do I do?
Now, when Andy goes off to work, I spend my days working on this blog, which involves much more than just writing a few posts each week. I do a few things around the house while still resisting the role of hausfrau (housewife). I go to the market near the cathedral in the center of town to buy fresh vegetables once a week. I meet with my friend from Spain once a week for our English/Spanish tandem. (Yes, I am trying to improve my Spanish while living in Germany.) But mostly I work on the blog and a few other ideas Andy and I have that will hopefully lead to some income. And yet when people ask me what I do, I usually sheepishly laugh and say “nothing right now” instead of just saying I’m a writer. Even if I don’t feel like a writer.
Now I define me
So this whole unemployment thing is really about redefining myself as someone I want to be, rather than limiting myself to the insurance underwriter I didn’t want to be in Atlanta or the hausfrau I don’t want to be now. I want travel blogging, writing, photography, and social media to be a big part of it. I love to travel and plan trips, and I love encouraging others to travel.
I also enjoy going to the market once a week and fumbling through words for things like onions and hoping I heard the prices correctly. I like cutting up a ton of vegetables to have a few salads for the week, and trying new salsa recipes like the one a reader from Mexico sent me. I will learn German, but I will also keep practicing Spanish, even if it does occasionally confuse me.
I’m still looking for a purpose. But maybe I need to let go of the traditional definition of what a job is. Maybe I just need to get over searching for a definition of myself.
Thanks to Andy for his photo of the market in Freiburg, and thanks to our wedding photographer for the photo of our first dance. Thanks to Juan for taking the photo of me and Andrea in front of the airplane and for flying us around Seattle so many years ago. And thanks to the reader who sent me the wonderful salsa recipe.
You might also enjoy:
- On Living a Non-Traditional Life
- How I Make Money Online and Travel Up to 4 Months a Year
- My Not-So-Straight Path to Making Money From Blogging
- How Do You Make Money From a Blog?
May 28, 2012 @ 1:18 PM
My dear Ali: I will pass along some sage advice I received from a friend when I started my travel blogging career years ago. Go find a printer and have some cards printed that say you are a travel writer or a freelance writer. Once the words are on paper, you will begin to think of yourself the same way. And as you begin to hand them out say: “I’m a writer.” You’ll be creating your own reality and it will soon feel real. Hugs! And when we next see each other, you can tutor me in my (horrible) German, and I’ll tutor you in Spanish.
May 29, 2012 @ 2:27 PM
Thank you for the wonderful advice, Barbara! I’m slowly getting there. I think just writing this post helped me in a lot of ways. I hope to see you soon, I’d love to practice Spanish more, and by then I should know at least a little German!
May 28, 2012 @ 3:34 PM
Ali we could honestly be brother and sister. I too worked in insurance – commercial sales and underwriting and I hated every moment of it as well. Then I got sick with Fibromyalgia around 2006 and it deteriorated to the point that in 2008 I went on a disability pension and I’ve been on that ever since. I think I’m a writer too. There are two things that I think about all the time – travelling and Buddhism. I’d love to make a living as a writer and as somebody who travels often (within his limitations). In fact I have four friends who are writers already – two of them Buddhist writers of quite some acclaim. I think I may need to take Barbara Weibel’s advice above and just start printing out those business cards. Thanks to you and Barbara Weibel for such timely words.
May 29, 2012 @ 2:38 PM
I’m sorry to hear about the Fibromyalgia, Matthew. I’m glad you got out of insurance, even though it was an unfortunate reason. Barbara’s advice was definitely good. If you write and want to be considered a writer, you have to call yourself that. You should check out Barbara’s blog if you haven’t already, she’s a great travel writer and she practices Buddhism.
May 29, 2012 @ 7:42 PM
Thank you for putting me onto Barbara’s blog. I like it a lot and I’ve signed up to email updates for it as well.
As for the Fibromyalgia; it’s a double edged sword. Yes it is a restrictive debilitating illness for most sufferers and especially myself being aged 34 and virtually needing a walking stick to get around but it has made me re-examine all aspects of who I am and want to do in life. So even though it does limit me physically, it has been liberating for me spiritually and beneficial for mentally in that at least I don’t suffer the stress I used to due to my job in insurance.
May 29, 2012 @ 10:22 PM
Great, Barbara is a wonderful person! I’m so sorry to hear about your health, but I’m glad you’ve taken the time to reexamine your life. We so often just keep following the same path we’ve been told to go down without even thinking about whether it’s the right path or not.
May 28, 2012 @ 3:59 PM
Good on ya girl! I think this year has been good for you. You’re doing what YOU want! I can’t wait to visit sometime in the future.
May 29, 2012 @ 2:46 PM
Thank you Caroline! You should definitely come visit, just let me know when!
May 28, 2012 @ 5:10 PM
It’s kind of crazy how hard it is to define yourself in a few words when you’re not just saying what you do for work. And I get feeling like an imposter when you say you’re a writer – I blush and mumble as I say “oh, I’m a blogger” sometimes, even though I love it and think I do a pretty ok job at it. Maybe you can say you’re a chef, those last pictures look delish!
May 29, 2012 @ 2:55 PM
Thanks Emily! The salsa and guacamole were good! I guess I feel like I can’t say I’m a writer because I haven’t technically been published anywhere like a newspaper or magazine or written a book or anything like that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a writer. I’ll keep working on saying “I’m a writer” when people ask me what I do!
May 28, 2012 @ 8:46 PM
Like Emily I wasn’t comfortable with calling myself a writer. It can be a little too much Actor, Writer, Whatever when there isn’t a boss around to validate the role. Initially anyway.
I solved the problem by taking the title of editor and making myself the boss (no extra money came with the promotion though – oh well). It sounds silly, I know, but the title has less baggage than that of writer and perhaps more accurately reflects the role of running a blog or website.
May 29, 2012 @ 3:04 PM
Thanks Shane! I like how you came up with a different title to make it work better for you. And you’re right, running a blog involves a lot more than writing. Sorry you didn’t get a raise though!
May 28, 2012 @ 11:36 PM
What a great, honest post you’ve written here. I know that part of why I am having a hard time with moving forward with our RTW trip is in letting go of the life I currently have, including all the roles and tasks I let define me in this space. I realize this new chapter is a chance for me to take back my life and define it on my own terms, and to see myself in a new way. I’ve been a student for so long, that part of me has no idea what I will do now that I’m walking away from academia and science. I have to believe, however, that the skills and abilities that helped me achieve so much in those realms will still stand me in good stead as I explore new passions. It’s a scary time, but also very exciting! It’s so great to see someone else who took the time to evaluate her life and change tracks and has no regrets!
May 29, 2012 @ 3:22 PM
Thank you so much Steph! It is scary to make such huge changes to your life, but when you know you’re doing it for a good reason, it’s easier to keep pushing forward. Your skills and knowledge will help you on your trip, and you will pick up new ones along the way. Travel teaches you things school just can’t sometimes. You’ll have a great time!
May 29, 2012 @ 1:05 AM
First off just let me say that that salsa & guacamole looks delicious!
Okay… Anyways. I know exactly how you feel – I’ve gone through the same crazy emotions here in Berlin. So excited to see what you end up doing here because it seems like things are already off to a great start. Enjoy it 🙂
May 29, 2012 @ 3:28 PM
Thanks, it was delicious! Yeah, change is hard, no matter how much I wanted it. I have days where I hate everything and get so frustrated, and days where I’m so excited to be living here. Luckily the bad days are getting further apart. Thanks Adam!
May 29, 2012 @ 1:26 AM
I can’t believe our date in Charlotte was over a year ago. Soooo much has changed since then right? You will figure out your path in life, I know it. For now enjoy your lovely hubby and new surroundings.
May 29, 2012 @ 3:37 PM
Thanks Andi! I know, about a year and a half now! You’re right, so many things have changed since then, for both of us. Let me know if you ever end up coming to Germany!
May 29, 2012 @ 5:51 AM
I used to feel the same about a job – I had to be employed by someone to prove to everyone that I was a hard worker. Then I got laid off and kinda of just drifted into making money from the internet.
My job title has changed that many times and I finally settled on “internet freelancer”, because sometimes I will be doing social media work, sometimes seo and sometimes content writing.
But yes, you are right. You do need to let go of the traditional definition of a job if you are ever going to move forward and be your own boss
May 29, 2012 @ 3:43 PM
Thanks Natalie! I’m slowly getting there. I think just writing this post helped me get into a different frame of mind. I didn’t even know where the post was going to end up when I started it, I just knew I wanted to write something for the one year anniversary of my last day of work. So just writing it helped me work through some of these things.
May 29, 2012 @ 7:45 AM
Great thoughts that I share with you. When I had my baby I was knocked out from my work and since then I’m a full time mom raising my little boy.
Sometimes not having a proper job and regular incomes is frustrating and makes me struggling into life. I don’t know how to define myself but I agree with that writer is too much, since it has lots of secrets meanings that don’t suit my job. Hopefully one day I’ll find it out or maybe not.
May 29, 2012 @ 3:46 PM
Thanks! Being a full time mom is a huge job all by itself! I can’t imagine doing that. But I guess it’s another situation where you have to let go of the traditional definition of what a job is. I hope you find something too!
May 29, 2012 @ 3:06 PM
Aww, love the wedding photo!
May 30, 2012 @ 12:03 PM
Thanks Julia!
May 29, 2012 @ 7:47 PM
It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world to leave behind a life you’re not happy with. I love your courage in doing so, Ali! The world would be a far better (and happier!) place if more people pursued their passions and dreams.
In other words, get out of the office, people!
#RTWSOON 🙂
May 29, 2012 @ 10:24 PM
Thanks Ryan, I really appreciate your comment! I don’t always feel courageous so sometimes it’s a good reminder when people point it out to me. I hope you’re doing well, and let me know if you ever end up coming to Germany!
May 30, 2012 @ 12:00 AM
Love this, Ali! You are what YOU define yourself as. When we stop letting external things define us (jobs, etc.) authentic fulfillment is on the horizon and life really begins to fall into place.
Excited to see where your journey takes you!
May 30, 2012 @ 11:01 AM
Thanks Kent! I’m excited to figure out my next step too!
May 30, 2012 @ 11:33 AM
About to embark on this same route in the next few days as I walk away from my current cubicle on Friday to take on the role as a writer full time too. I often talk myself down when people ask me what I do. I still can’t quite tell people that my passion and my soon to be full time job is travel blogging.
May 30, 2012 @ 12:04 PM
Congrats on your upcoming career change! Odd how difficult it is to say “I’m a writer” like we need something official from someone else that says we are. I’m going to keep on working on being comfortable saying I’m a writer.
May 30, 2012 @ 1:18 PM
I could SO relate to this. I think sometimes we don’t realize how much we define ourselves by our jobs. I love that when you meet people in Germany that you don’t ask about work right away. I think Germans do a better job of defining themselves on a variety of factors, not just work as many North Americans tend to do. And you are definitely a writer, or Reisenbloggerin 🙂
May 30, 2012 @ 6:06 PM
Thanks Laurel! It is strange now that I don’t have a job to look back and realize how much my life was defined by a job I hated. Thanks for the encouragement!
May 30, 2012 @ 4:53 PM
Good on your Ali. I too am giving up my career after eight years on 19th July (my last day) and am on serious countdown to my (what I hope will be) indefinate travels 🙂 I’m bored, unchallenged, tired of corporate world politics and bitchy women… and I haven’t even reached the age of 30. Therefore the thought of working in my industry (PR agency) until retirement filled me with DREAD! But, I love the writing aspect of my job and so I took it further. Travelling and being a travel writer makes me happy :):) So, get those business cards and call yourself a travel writer!! We are a part of a generational revolution that has overstepped confirmity. Embrace it 🙂
May 30, 2012 @ 6:09 PM
That sounds great Becki! I’m glad you’re going for it! I’m sure you have lots of skills from your PR job that will help you as a travel blogger. It’s amazing to find something that makes you happy. I do have business cards for my blog, I just need to get better at saying “I’m a writer” when I give them out. Definitely trying harder to embrace it! Thanks!
May 30, 2012 @ 10:50 PM
Great post! I’ve been asking myself all these same questions as I take a year leave from my job. I wish I had the money to not work this year, but alas I’m back at the grindstone now after a 3 month break from real life. I have mixed feelings about it all…trying to find my purpose too. Hopefully we can have a chat about it over a nice cold German beer when I make it to Freiburg at some point this year! 🙂
May 30, 2012 @ 11:06 PM
Thanks Kristi! It’s been nice not having a “real” job but like I said, also very weird. I just wish this whole reexamining and searching for my purpose thing was a faster process! And yes, I hope you do get a chance to come down here to visit. I’d love to get up to Hamburg one of these days too.
May 31, 2012 @ 5:17 PM
Have you thought about starting your own business? That’s what I’m working on right now here in Norway. If it’s online, you don’t necessarily need to speak German 😉
So nice to see your wedding photos! You guys look great – and so radiant and happy! =)
May 31, 2012 @ 8:50 PM
Thanks Andrea! We’re sort of in the brainstorming stage, a few ideas but not much else at this point. We’ll see where we end up!
May 31, 2012 @ 7:41 PM
Ali, congrats on one year of doing what you want to do. And, you ARE a writer. I’m proof of that because here I sit in the U.S. reading what you write.
P.S., I love that picture of you and Andy. So wonderful.
May 31, 2012 @ 8:51 PM
Thank you Kim! I have to just continue telling myself (and other people) that I AM a writer, and eventually I’ll believe it.
June 3, 2012 @ 12:28 PM
Ali: The last few years that I’ve been living in Italy has taught me that I spend far too much time stressing and worrying over things I have little control over at work. The Italians work to live, instead of living to work. And I’m ever so slowly adapting to that myself! Travel has literally made my life better in a lot of ways and its something that has helped both my husband and I grow.
There are a lot of things that just aren’t easy about living in another country and it really does make you question yourself sometimes. But hang in there! You can be whatever you believe yourself to be!
June 3, 2012 @ 11:23 PM
Thanks Jennifer! It’s definitely a different lifestyle, even if the attitude towards work in Germany is closer to the American way than the Italian way. I definitely have more good days than bad days, and I keep reminding myself that it will take awhile to adjust. Thank you so much for the encouragement, I really appreciate it!
June 4, 2012 @ 9:31 PM
Interesting article Ali. I’m debating the big release from the rat race, but I think I’ll try and do it gradually. I just want to work for myself and plan my own time. We’ll see 🙂
June 5, 2012 @ 2:59 PM
There are so many reasons for it and so many ways to go about it, it can definitely get overwhelming. I hope you find a path that works for you!
June 21, 2012 @ 10:55 PM
I am unemployed and oh so happy about that. Atleast – unemployed in the traditional 9-5 sense! You’re unemployment is something many people envy. The ability to BE unemployed and not worry about it. But you need to start calling yourself a writer – because you write beautifully.
June 21, 2012 @ 11:04 PM
Chrystal, thank you so much! I really appreciate hearing (reading) that! I’m glad you’re enjoying your unemployment as well!
July 5, 2012 @ 5:37 AM
What an inspiring post. Congratulations on a beautiful year! Steve and I have left London but our possessions are still locked up there. Makes me think we should really be selling them! Happy travels.
July 5, 2012 @ 2:56 PM
Thanks Victoria! Since I knew I was moving to Germany permanently, I had to get rid of a lot of my things, and it was so worth it. I think you’ll find when you return to London after your trip, you won’t want to keep a lot of what you have in storage. I’m sure you’ve already seen just how little you can live with and still be so comfortable and happy.
A New German Routine - Grounded Traveler
July 30, 2012 @ 8:41 AM
[…] since college, and I graduated May of 2002. While I’m so happy not to have to deal with the stress of my job in Atlanta, trying to learn a complicated language just brings a different type of stress. Which […]
September 6, 2012 @ 6:38 PM
You are not unemployed – you are “alternatively” employed :)) And we all know this is a much harder way to earn money. Koodos to Andy for letting you steadily work on your dreams! Hope I will be at this point one day too. I already have half of my future post written in my head :))
September 7, 2012 @ 12:01 AM
Alternately employed, I like it! Andy is a wonderful man, and even aside from that it’s near impossible to find a job in Germany without speaking German, and the ones I could get wouldn’t be worth it to me. So for now, I’ll keep playing with ideas and see what I can come up with. I hope you’re able to finish that post, and the dream that goes with it, soon!
Ali Garland: Why I Live in Freiburg | The Working Traveller
September 7, 2012 @ 7:05 PM
[…] How do you support yourself? Right now Andy is supporting both of us with his job (um…something with computers…) since there isn’t much I can do without speaking German. But I have two blogs that I work on daily, and I make a small amount of money from that. I’m hoping to develop that into some better sources of income so I don’t ever have to be stuck in an office again. […]
September 28, 2012 @ 9:04 AM
I’ve just stumbled across your blog, and completely relate to what you are saying. I had a year out last year and got back into the rat race, working as an estate agent (realtor) and now I am finding my identity is taken over my job role. Something I worked very hard at eradicating. I am now going through the process of re-adjusting my priorities.
Thank you for being so inspiring.
Jonathan
September 28, 2012 @ 10:20 PM
Thanks Jonathan! I just saw your comment on my FB page too! I hope you figure out a way to readjust so your job doesn’t define you so much. I’m not sure anyone has ever called me inspiring before, I’m flattered!
February 21, 2017 @ 6:30 AM
This was a well written post Ali. Beautiful and truthful to say the least. Your blog is doing great. You have so much content that so many people can relate to. Just keep on going. Great stuff 🙂
February 22, 2017 @ 2:38 PM
Thanks Alana!