Hitting Pause On My Round the World Trip
The past few weeks have been a huge struggle for me. I know many people struggle on their round the world trips, so I kept trying to push through. I kept trying to figure out what was bothering me so much, why I felt so paralyzed, why I just wasn’t enjoying this trip.
I started writing a post about some of the things I don’t like about being on the road. Things like constantly being on the move, having to repack every few days, the constant decisions that need to be made for the next part of the trip, the flip-flop-required showers that soak the whole bathroom, staying in disgusting rooms. Even how solo travel can be lonely, despite the fact that I truly do like traveling on my own.
But writing it didn’t make me feel better like it normally would, and I slowly started to realize a few things about myself.
Travel, especially solo travel, has taught me a lot about myself over the years. I took my first solo trip in July 2008 to Greece, inspired by a break up with a guy who wasn’t too interested in traveling. Though the relationship didn’t work out, it did improve my self esteem.
After we broke up, I realized I hadn’t been out of the country since my study abroad trip in 2000. I think I had been waiting around for someone to go with me, but I realized I was fully capable of going by myself. So I started planning a trip to Greece and booked 10 days between Athens and Santorini. It was an amazing trip, my love of travel was reawakened, and it exploded into a full-blown addiction.
I followed that trip with a journey to Antarctica with my friend Amanda, and then as many solo trips as I could manage with my limited vacation time, eventually making it to each of the seven continents a few months before my 30th birthday.
Each trip reconfirmed that I was stronger than I thought I was, a great boost to my self esteem. I think it also made me feel better about being single. But a trip to Australia changed the path my life was on.
I came back from Australia determined to change things in my life. It started as a vague idea, I wanted to travel more, I wanted a completely different type of job. Eventually I had the idea to take a round the world trip, and then maybe settle down somewhere in Europe or South America to teach English, one of the top things people do to earn money while traveling and living abroad. I finally reached a point where I truly enjoyed being single, finally felt comfortable in my own skin, finally felt like I was figuring things out, and I didn’t want to meet a guy for fear that it would ruin my grand ideas.
Last July I started talking to Andy on Twitter, and you can read about My Twitter Love Story for all the details on that. I didn’t want a guy to get in the way of my plans, and I somehow met a wonderful guy who fit so well with me and my plans.
As we got to know each other, I let him know how important this round the world trip was to me, so while finalizing plans to get married and move to Germany, I planned a big trip as well. I knew I’d always regret it if I didn’t take this trip. On September 28, 2011, I hopped on a train to the Frankfurt airport and started my five month journey. But a few weeks in, it just didn’t feel right.
Looking back at when I was single, it’s possible I wanted to take a round the world trip to prove that I’m an interesting person without a man by my side. But when I met Andy, I pushed forward with the trip because I wanted to believe that it was my dream for the pure travel enjoyment. Traveling for months at a time sounded amazing to me. I read so many other blogs written by people who loved their round the world trips, and I wanted to be one of them.
But it turns out, this isn’t for me. I love having a home base, and while I’d like to be able to travel for more than two weeks at a time, living out of a backpack for months can be exhausting. I had completely accepted myself (ok I still have a few minor insecurities, but who doesn’t?) before I met Andy, but being on this trip set me back a couple steps. I’m glad I recognized it and remembered I don’t need anyone’s approval.
I’m proud of my solo travel experiences, and I’m happy to have finally found my partner in travel and in life. I don’t need to be a hardcore backpacker and stay in dorms all the time and take the horribly bumpy 12 hour overnight buses to prove anything to anyone. If I want to spend a little more money to fly, that’s ok because I know my comfort levels are different from other people’s. I don’t have to trek up a mountain or go camping or even ride a bicycle for a few hours if I don’t feel like it or if I know my out of shape body just can’t handle it.
I like my comforts, so while there are plenty of places I want to see in Southeast Asia, South America, and other not-so-developed places, Europe is still one of my favorite places to travel. But mostly I know that I don’t have to travel to make myself a better person or to impress people or feel more accepted.
I’ve also decided I need a break. Being away from Andy for the past seven weeks has been torture, and now it seems like such a waste since I’m not even enjoying the trip. So a few days ago, I found a flight back to Germany for just a few hundred dollars more than I’d spend if I stayed in Vietnam for the next two weeks. (My blog is a few weeks behind my geographical location. More Southeast Asia posts coming soon!)
So on Friday, November 18th I’m flying from Hanoi to Bangkok to Abu Dhabi to Frankfurt, landing in Frankfurt the morning of November 19th. Then I’ll leave Friday, December 2nd from Frankfurt to Abu Dhabi to Bangkok to Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City, arriving on December 3rd. I’ll have a long eight hour layover before boarding my flight to Melbourne, Australia, landing on December 4th. Yes, that day will be hell. But the two weeks with Andy will be totally worth it.
No worries, my travel addiction is still alive and breathing, but some of the urgency is gone and it’s kind of a relief. I’m glad I’m on this trip because I really think I always would wonder what it would’ve been like. I’m also glad I have a wonderful, supportive husband to go home to. I still have a million places I want to see, and I can’t wait to take my next trip. With Andy.
November 17, 2011 @ 3:20 PM
Great post Ali. The one thing my dad told me before I left on my current trip was that if I’m not enjoying it, to come home – not to push through just because I feel like I should.
Glad to see you listening to your heart and doing what is best for you. You’re right – you don’t need to prove anything to anyone!
Looking forward to reading more of your SE Asia posts!
November 17, 2011 @ 3:44 PM
Thanks Katie! A 2 week break should be perfect to see Andy, recharge, and finish the trip. I’m glad I made this decision because I wouldn’t enjoy the next few weeks here anyway. This way, hopefully I’ll enjoy Australia and everything else more. Thanks for listening!
November 17, 2011 @ 3:46 PM
Good for you! Losing “the urgency” is the key to peace in a lot of situations–remember that with Andy, too. Keep having fun!
November 17, 2011 @ 4:16 PM
Thanks! Will do 🙂
November 17, 2011 @ 3:46 PM
Things happen everyday, some we notice and some we don’t but they change us, our lives and in turn, our plans.
Kudos for being brave and acknowledging the changes, doing what’s right for you now instead of sticking to a plan that isn’t working any longer.
Who knows? Your break may provide adventures and challenges you’d not expected and give you even more to write about.
Kudos!
November 17, 2011 @ 4:19 PM
Thank you Maria! I’m hoping I do find more to write about. I appreciate your support!
November 17, 2011 @ 3:47 PM
Ali, I’m glad you wrote this post – it’s so honest! I’ve always wondered what it would be like to travel solo while married, but could never convince myself that I’d love it. I do enjoy having a home base – and now Josh and I are looking to buy a house (ah!) so we’d really have our own home base. I’ve come the conclusion travel with my significant other will be the way to go – because I want to share those experiences with him too.
I’m glad you’ve got a very understanding hubby, and that you were able to come to this conclusion. I hate that you haven’t fully enjoyed yourself all this time, but you definitely learned a lot about yourself! 🙂
November 17, 2011 @ 4:20 PM
Thanks Amy! I think I could handle a few weeks on a trip with a friend, solo for a few days depending on where, but that’s about it. I finally found the guy I want to share these kinds of things with, so I don’t really want to travel without him. He is wonderful 🙂
November 17, 2011 @ 4:37 PM
Good for you for recognizing what you wanted and changing your plans to get it. I’ve only done one solo trip, and I’m open to doing more, but the truth is that a lot of the time I’d just rather go with my husband – I kind of like spending time with him. I love travel, but it’s not going anywhere, and if waiting a year to see a destination means I can go with my favorite travel buddy and enjoy it more, then that seems like a good trade-off to me.
November 17, 2011 @ 5:27 PM
Thanks Emily! You’re right, I think I’d enjoy this so much more if he were here with me. It’s great to finally have that travel partner!
November 17, 2011 @ 5:05 PM
I too used to travel quite a bit on my own. It got in my blood early on, and I was convinced I needed to stay single my entire life in order to not have anyone else get in the way. Then I met my wife… Now, I don’t even like going to a hotel for one night without her, not from separation issues, but because it simply isn’t as fun alone. Not for me anymore at least. As much as I enjoyed traveling solo, seeing the world with the one you love is better…
November 17, 2011 @ 5:28 PM
Maybe this trip was a little of that too, the “I’m still independent” thing even though I’m perfectly happy having my husband in my life. He’s the best travel partner, and it’s definitely better seeing the world with him. Thanks for the comment!
November 17, 2011 @ 5:50 PM
You’re being true to yourself and completely honest and that is commendable. You shouldn’t do something just because you or others have put pressure on yourself to do it, especially if it’s no longer enjoyable.
I think everyone, no matter what they say, struggles when they are separated from their partner and there is no reason to feel bad about this. Go and spend time snogging Andy for a while and I’m sure you’ll be rejuvenated to finish the last leg 😉
November 17, 2011 @ 5:59 PM
Thanks Julia! It’s nice to know that so many people understand. (Snogging…funny British word!)
November 17, 2011 @ 6:10 PM
Sometimes you just need a travel break! Hope you enjoy the two weeks in Germany 🙂 And it’s a great time to be back there anyways: lots of Christmas markets, Gluehwein, and Lebkuchen! Have fun on your vacation from the backpacking!
November 17, 2011 @ 6:57 PM
I am looking forward to the Christmas markets, I haven’t seen them in Freiburg yet. Thanks!
November 17, 2011 @ 6:24 PM
I know we just chatted about this and I already told ya how I feel, but I will say it again! I am so glad you are being true to yourself and doing what you really want to do. Traveling the way we do is not for everyone… it wears (sp) you down a lot. It’s not easy like most people assume. The good thing is you took off and started it, because had you had decided not to do it when you met Andi you would have then maybe thought about it for the rest of your life “what would have been” well now you know. You know “what has been” and no it’s not for you. So congrats on going home for two weeks and doing what you wanna do.
Love ya Ali… enjoy the 2 weeks!!!
November 17, 2011 @ 6:59 PM
Thanks Jaime! A trip like this might’ve been ok for me a few years ago but it’s definitely not my thing now. At least not on my own. And yes, I’m glad I won’t have that “what if” type of thought. I’m really looking forward to my 2 week break, and hopefully then I’ll enjoy Australia and everything else even more. Thanks for being a good friend!
November 17, 2011 @ 6:33 PM
This is a really great post – thanks for sharing! I haven’t traveled solo yet, travelling has only really started to call to me the last few years, but I have always been intimidated by the “hardcore” nature of rtw and solo travelling, backpacks and busing. But you’re right – it’s not about who you impress or how dirty you get, it’s about what feels right and your OWN enjoyment. I think I look more forward to planning a few solo trips now, thanks for that!
November 17, 2011 @ 7:02 PM
Thanks Melissa! Solo travel is really great, I still totally recommend that everyone try it at least once. It’s liberating and builds confidence, and sometimes it’s just nice to not have to worry about compromising on what you want to do or see while you’re traveling. But it isn’t for everyone, and it isn’t for every stage in life. And you do have to find a way of travel that works for you because we’re all different. Let me know if you need any help planning!
November 17, 2011 @ 9:22 PM
Hi Ali: A wonderfully written, thoughtful, and excruciatingly honest post. I’ve been there. When it happens to me I just stop, wherever I am, and hunker down for a while. Traveling perpetually is not as glamorous as most people think and sometimes you just need to regroup. Fortunately for you, there’s a wonderful man with whom you can regroup!
November 18, 2011 @ 3:43 AM
Thanks Barbara! It’s definitely not a glamorous lifestyle, even when it’s a temporary one like what I’m doing. You’re right, I’m so incredibly lucky to have Andy in my life! I hope you’re doing well in Cuenca!
November 17, 2011 @ 10:25 PM
I hate hitting the barrier. It’s such a dumb problem to have (sick of traveling around the world?!) but it’s so very, very real, as anyone who has done a RTW knows all too well. Glad you found a way to get around it.
Also, what is it about Australia that inspires such powerful life change? Something about that place…
November 18, 2011 @ 3:46 AM
Thanks Ryan! I think it’s just not something our minds and bodies are accustomed to, and a RTW can be exhausting. I’m looking forward to my 2 week break with Andy. As for Australia….maybe it’s different enough to get us out of our comfort zone but similar enough for us to not go into major culture shock, and the mind just clicks 🙂
November 18, 2011 @ 8:25 AM
Ali-good for you for listening to yourself!! Pause is so necessary for travelers to avoid burnout!! I remember having a few temper tantrums on my last trip-and gearing up for the next, I’m trying to plan a few rest days here and there. And there is nothing wrong with flying or a little luxury!! Have a great time with your husband!!!
November 18, 2011 @ 8:40 AM
Thanks Caitlin! I’m definitely looking forward to 2 weeks at home with Andy before continuing on to Australia!
November 18, 2011 @ 2:34 PM
Ali – I understand and support your decision to take a break. You’re not the only solo traveler who has felt the need to return to somewhere for a while to recharge your batteries. You’re right about not having to prove anything to anybody. If you were trying to prove something to yourself you would have done that well before reaching all 7 continents.
There is something about solo traveling that can bring out the best in you when your on the road. You’re not constrained by the rat race or having to conform to the same old norm that you did back home. Maybe that was what helped you become the person you are today.
Although I moved out of Melbourne six months ago to a little country town called Morwell in the Latrobe Valley, I happen to be a bit of an expert on Melbourne seeing that I’ve lived almost every year of my life there bar one or two.
The public transport system in Melbourne is called Metro. It runs on a smartcard system called Myki. Technically they also run on an old magnetic strip system called Metcard but they are in the process of phasing this out. It costs about ten dollars to buy a Myki and they come in two flavours. Anonymous or registered. The only benefit with a registered card is that if you lose it and buy another they the Myki people will transfer the old balance. Get yourself a Myki. The rates are cheaper than Metcard and you can use it on Metro trains within Melbourne, trams and buses as well.
Taxi fares from Melbourne Airport to the city are over $50. You may be better off catching the Skybus from the airport to the CBD assuming you’re going to be staying in the city. Prices are $16 one way or $26 return. Personally when I travel I always take the Skybus now. They run about one every ten minutes regardless of day or night and it only takes you about 20 minutes down the Tullamarine Freeway and Citylink to get to the city. They have hotel transfers as well but you’ll need to inquire at the airport as to whether your hotel or backpackers is on the list they offer transfers for.
As for stuff to do there is plenty. If you’re into clothes shopping try Bridge Road – Richmond and Smith Street – Collingwood. These places have the factory outlets for the fashion stores. This is where the baragains are to be found.
Stay away from Chadstone Shopping Centre. It’s the biggest shopping centre in Melbourne but there are no bargains to be found i.e. you’ll get ripped off.
Places to go. There is plenty. Eureka Tower is popular. There is an observation deck there with this glass cube that dangles 80 to 100 stories above the street which you can stand in. On a sunny day you can see all of Melbourne plus Port Philip Bay and the surrounding mountains. As for whether we’ve had some serious severe thunderstorms in the last week or two so either pack an umbrella or buy one when you’re here. You’ll invariably need it at some stage.
Fed Square always has something on on the weekend. A festival of some sort. If you like your beer you could always do a tour of the Carlton and United Brewery site which I think is in Abbotsford. It costs about $50 but it’s quite popular and includes samples as well.
Outside of Melbourne you can do the Yarra Valley wine tour which is home to the best wineries in our state. It’s about an hour or so out of Melbourne to the north east.
To the West of Melbourne is a town called Ballarat. They have a major attraction called Sovereign Hill just outside of town that is a town in itself set during the gold rush of the 1850s. I’ve been there twice and it’s a great place to go. Ballarat is a hour or so train ride from Melbourne on V/Line – the regional train operator. They haven’t converted over to the Myki system that I talked about earlier but are eventually going across to it in a couple of years time. This means that you need to go to Southern Cross station to buy a normal paper ticket. By the way all regional trains arrive at and depart Southern Cross station which is located in Spencer Street. You can’t miss it. It is where the Skybus finishes its run from the airport.
A day trip to the Great Ocean road on a hot clear day is unforgettable. The Great Ocean Road is located about two hours south west of Melbourne past Geelong. The sunset there on a hot day is beautiful.
Phillip Island to the south east is always good. You’d have to enquire as to whether it is the right time of year but I went there once when I was a kid and saw a penguin parade there at night time. Something that I’ll always remember. That’s also a day trip and is located about two hours away from Melbourne.
The following suburbs you don’t want to be in at night due to drugs and crime are the following: Footscray, Ringwood, Dandenong and Frankston. In fact you wouldn’t want to be there during the day either.
Here’s a few websites that cover what I’ve discussed and talk about more things that you can do in Melbourne:
http://www.myki.com.au – The website for the Myki smartcard.
http://www.visitvictoria.com – The website for Tourism Victoria
http://www.thatsmelbourne.com.au – The website for the City of Melbourne. It has an interesting feature where you can click a link and it tells you everything that is on for the next 7 or 30 days. Indispensable for somebody like you.
http://www.skybus.com.au – The Skybus airport bus that I told you about has its website here.
Melbourne has a bit of everything for everyone. Because it’s such a diverse multicultural city your bound to find and interpret your Melbourne experience in your own way. I’m looking forward to your posts on what is to me my home city.
November 19, 2011 @ 6:24 PM
Wow, thanks for all the great info Matthew! I haven’t really done much research on Melbourne yet, so this is unbelievably helpful! I’m definitely hoping to stay in the city center, so the Skybus sounds like a great option. I will definitely check out those websites and read through all your suggestions again when I’m a little less jetlagged. I may ask email if you I have questions. Thanks again, this is awesome!!
November 18, 2011 @ 2:40 PM
It’s so important to be able to be honest with yourself. If you aren’t enjoying doing something, then why in the hell do it? And I think it’s awesome you’ve found someone in your life that pulls your heart strings so firmly.
November 19, 2011 @ 6:25 PM
Thanks! I just got home, and even though I’m exhausted from the long flights, it’s good to be back with Andy. I’m definitely glad I did this trip, and I’m looking forward to the rest of it, but I’m not sure how much more solo travel I want to do. It’s just nicer having Andy there.
November 19, 2011 @ 3:33 AM
Great post! So honest and it shows there is always something more to learn about yourself and traveling in this case helped you do that.
November 19, 2011 @ 6:26 PM
Thanks! That’s definitely something I always enjoy about traveling, even if what I learn about myself isn’t always fun.
November 19, 2011 @ 2:22 PM
It’s totally normal to suffer burnout during a RTW trip. We hit a wall around 8 months and ended up spending a couple weeks in Rio for our sanity (and because we had to replace a stolen camera part– convenient!). I imagine it must be harder when you just get married and your hubby isn’t with you. There’s no rule against taking a break once in a while 🙂
November 19, 2011 @ 6:27 PM
Thanks Leslie! I’ve only been home for a few hours and I already feel so much more relaxed. Being away from Andy for 7 weeks was hard, and I still have some of that to deal with towards the end of my trip, but at least I tried and I now know I just don’t enjoy traveling without him as much.
November 20, 2011 @ 1:32 AM
Ali, I read a lot of blogs (I have 170 in my google reader now) but I don’t think I’ve ever read a post that I could so identify with.
I got married in 2007 to a woman I love deeply who doesn’t like to travel. AT ALL. I mean a three day trip four hours away from home is excruciating for her. I have wandering feet, and there is very little chance that I could change that about me even if I wanted to. Before we got married I would spend at least two months a year on the road on various trips.
She never asked me to stop traveling, but I knew we needed a compromise. I decided I would try to keep my traveling under a month per year, and she felt she could live with that. In 2010, I spent close to a month in Israel, which was hard on both of us. After 17 days, despite having an awesome trip, I was ready to go home. I didn’t, but it got me thinking about how things had changed for me. In 1998, I spent 2 months in Europe and in 2001 I spent two months in Australia, never really getting homesick. Now that she’s here- I doubt I’ll ever take a trip that long again. I also doubt that I’ll do the RTW trip that most travel bloggers look down on you if you haven’t taken. I’m cool with both of those realities. Things change, and I have the best of both worlds- someone who loves me (which isn’t easy) and the ability to still indulge my need to travel.
I think you made a great decision. Those two weeks are a great idea. Safe Travels.
November 20, 2011 @ 5:51 PM
Erik, thank you so much for this comment! I’m glad you can relate. That’s really great that your wife understands and is ok with you going off to travel sometimes. I think it’s important to still do the things you enjoy even if you don’t share that interest with your partner, but getting married does change the perspective some. Lucky for me, Andy does really love to travel too, so I know we’ll take lots of trips in the future, but this did show me that long term travel really isn’t my thing. Also, there are plenty of travel bloggers who haven’t done RTW trips, don’t worry about that. Love of travel is what brings us all together. Thanks for the support 🙂
November 21, 2011 @ 7:42 AM
Oh lady! Long term travel isn’t for everyone all the time and I couldn’t imagine doing it while being married (solo). More power to you that you lasted 7 weeks.
I’m sure having Andy by your side will make you feel so much better about everything and everyone here is cheering you on to make sure you make the best decision for YOU! <3
November 21, 2011 @ 8:54 AM
Thanks Erica! I’ve been home less than 48 hours & I already feel so much better. When I leave again it’ll just be 3 weeks until Andy meets me in NZ so that’ll be great. Thanks for being supportive!
November 27, 2011 @ 9:01 PM
Great, honest post 🙂 Me+ the wife are just starting up this January and I know she’s going to miss her family. Glad you trusted your instincts and went with them. Have a good trip home!
November 27, 2011 @ 9:17 PM
Thanks! It helps that you two will be traveling together. I didn’t realize just how hard it would be to be away from my husband until I was gone for a few weeks. I’ll be back on the road soon though. Good luck with all the prep for the trip and have fun!
November 27, 2011 @ 11:02 PM
Hi Ali, I’ve been reading your blog for a while. Thanks for this beautiful post. You are only true to yourself, which is always the right way. I wish you all the best for the rest of the trip! I’m sure you will enjoy it. Looking forward to hear about your
australian adventures:-).
November 28, 2011 @ 12:10 AM
Thank you, I really appreciate that! I leave for Australia in about a week, we’ll see how long it takes me to finish posting about SE Asia and start writing about Melbourne! Thanks for reading!
November 30, 2011 @ 5:29 PM
Ali, I get what you mean 100%. I think people who love travel do get miserable sometimes and feel that they have to push on otherwise they’re somehow a failure, regardless of how they’re feeling or what their body, heart or mind is telling them.
When I was in Turkey last summer, it got to a point where I was miserable, ill, missing my family and it was a week or so before my birthday. I just thought, “why? what am I trying to prove, and to who?” So, I booked a flight from southern Turkey to Istanbul, stayed in a 5 star hotel (a far cry from my hotel-hostel room above a music store…) and flew back to Manchester the next day and in time for my birthday!
November 30, 2011 @ 6:37 PM
Thanks Tom! It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one who has gone through this. It’s been a great 2 weeks home, and I know I made the right decision. I’m kind of not looking forward to starting the trip again in a few days, but hopefully I’ll go into it feeling refreshed. It helps to know Andy is meeting up with me in NZ 3 weeks later.
December 1, 2011 @ 2:04 PM
It’s really refreshing to hear this honest blog. I love honesty! 🙂 I read all about solo travelers, and while I’m happy for them and think it is incredible, I’m happy traveling with Kurt. We do our own thing sometimes, but I love having someone to share it with. I think it’s important that you tried… and that you came to the realization that if you aren’t enjoying it, it isn’t worth it. I have another friend who realized the same, and I’m so proud of her for hopping across the Atlantic on home. Because that’s what she needed. I love your blog, so happy I found it!
December 1, 2011 @ 3:17 PM
Thanks Dayna! I enjoyed solo travel when I was single, but now, like you said, it’s so nice to have someone to share travel experiences with. I’m still traveling a bit on my own to finish out the trip, but some of it will also be with Andy, with a friend, and then back in the States to visit friends and family. So really only 3 more weeks on my own. I’m happy you found my blog too, and I’m glad you love it!!